Historical Document Reveals All!

As I arrived with coffee and breakfast at ye old grad lounge this morning I was met by a bevy of ants on the dining table. I quickly picked up my things, shuffling over to the stiff sofa with its little wooden table that has become somehow a repository of ancient issues of WiReD. Instead of another bold prediction about kitchen robots or cellophane underwear framing a cutting edge design which invariably incorporates neon green and fake terminal fonts, I found the Alumnae Association Reunion Songbook.

I had no idea I'd landed in a gold mine.

This book will doubtless entertain us all through this blog for a long time to come, and I'll begin with a few short snippets.

The first is perhaps more disturbing than amusing. This is the closing verse of the Freshman Show Song of 1980, sung to the tune of If I Only Had a Brain from The Wizard of Oz. It's theme is attaining that elusive perfect GPA, the 4.0:

Oh, I would not just be a dummy

With kids to call me "Mummy"

No, I'd be something more (doo doo doo doo doo doo)

I don't want a 3 point 7

Oh, I'd really be in heaven

If I only had a four!

For the record, your mother is an idiot because she had you. She could have done more with her life, like a Bryn Mawr woman who chases meaningless numbers and disdains the lives of others. This is at once the cult of the academy and the indoctrination of radical feminism. But then again, what would you expect?

My favorite song so far is the Bryn Mawr Girls' Song which one day will posted in full. Here are some choice excerpts:

Oh, you young college from far and near--

When you want some lovin' come flocking here,

And we'll show we do it at Bryn Mawr.

They get bonus points for using the word 'lest' in the next verse, but you'll have to wait for that.